I feel so lost. Just so out of touch. Today I went out with my friends and all of them talked and I just feel like I didn’t belong. For the last 2 years I’ve been studying. Just studying. I just feel like I wasted so much time. So much time that I could have spent going to places and seeing things. I’m not saying I should not have studied. I’m just saying I should have balanced it out. Actually that is also not what I’m saying. I don’t know what I’m saying. See, I’m lost. I just want to have a good time. Look good in whatever damn clothes I wear and have guys hit on me. I don’t care right now how fucking shallow that sounds but I just want to feel like I belong. And not belong like “be part of a popular crowd” or some shit like that just go out with 4 or 5 friends and have a bloody good time. Is that to much to ask for? I have so many things going on in my mind I don’t know how to explain it. I guess I’m just disappointed in myself. And right now I feel like it’s just not going to get better, I’m just going to study for the rest of my life and not get anywhere.


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